Out of the Frying Pan

Out of the Frying Pan & Into the Fire

It's so hot.

Hard times... Yet I have someone with me as I walk through the fire.

For almost 1 1/2 years now, I've been in the fire. The heat lets up once in a while for a short stretch of time, but then it comes back hotter than before. There are many things I don't understand, but I know I'm getting "refined" as I go through the process. I do wonder, though, how much longer it will be before there is a break through.

I've reacted so many ways to the fire. I've fought against it. I've been passive, or furious, or both at the same time. I've screamed and yelled and cried, or sulked and pouted and refused to say anything. I've complained and questioned everything. I've tried to pretend it doesn't burn, that it's not affecting me. I've wanted to take the easy way many times - just jump out and run away. Nothing I do or don't do has changed the process.

But I've had someone walk through it with me. He helps me keep my heart soft, and not get hardened and brittle in the heat of the battle. He tells me it won't go on forever. He says He sees much more of His reflection in me as He refines me like gold. He asks me to give Him my pain and let Him carry it. He tells me to keep trusting Him (and not take the easy way) even when the pain is agonizing. He tells me He is just answering my prayers of many years. In spite of the pain I believe Him. I wish there were a different or easier way, but the personal growth in my life is amazing.

Jump!

Created 09/06, Journaling from 05/06

Journaling reads:

Jump!
But it's a long way down.
Jump!
But what if you miss me?
Jump!
There is no place to catch myself.
I'll catch you. Jump!
Are you sure there isn't an easier way?
Jump!
But...
Don't look down, look at Me... Trust me. Jump!
So I did.
Last year in May I had an opportunity to "jump off a cliff". Suffice it to say that things got extremely ugly at work, to the point where I felt I had to leave. They had been going downhill for a few years, but finally hit a breaking point. I had no other job lined up, but figured it would find another one quickly.

I thought about it a lot before I finally made the decision to jump. What if I didn't find work? What if... (fill in the blank)? It's been very difficult and I've had some close calls, but I haven't smashed into the ground. Someone was there to catch me! :-)

I'm learning to trust Him, to take Him at His word. I had no idea the journey that jump would start. It's been over a year and I still don't have a regular job or income. But, I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

If you would like to know more, please leave me a comment.