when I BELIEVE

when I Believe

- I give permission to God to fill in the blanks
- I let Him take the hurts, the unfulfilled expectations, the disillusionments and turn them around
- I allow Him to be what He says He is

Look Past Me

Look past me...

"OK, I'll shut up now. When I'm passionate about something, I can get carried away."
"Don't worry about it. It's not about you anyways!"

It's not about me. I might be involved by loving on you, pointing you in a certain direction, challenging you in some way, showing you a bigger picture. But, the bottom line is... look past me to the One I reflect.

I made this layout at one point when I was struggling with some fear. But God showed me that the situation I was facing was about Him, NOT about me. HE'S the big picture. I'm just an instrument He uses. I'm here to relect Him. There is value and joy in being His instrument, because HE CHOOSES to use me. Amazing, isn't it? :-)

Dreams & Destiny

Dreams & Destiny

Dreams & destiny were planted in me before I was born. They were watered and nurtured long before I knew they existed. They grew, over the years, into a tree, solid and strong.

Then my beautiful tree got chopped down, sliced up & turned into chips. The hope fled, the dreams died, the destiny disappeared. All that was left was a stump, a reminder of what once existed.

But... what I couldn't see was the roots. They were still there, still alive. The tree I thought was dead grew a tender new shoot, then another. Green re-appeared. Leaves began growing. Life started anew. Once again dreams & destiny call out to me.



I'm starting to live my dream again, and follow my destiny. It took jumping off a cliff to do it... but it was worth it. Little do we know sometimes what the consequences of our actions might end up doing. :-)

River of Life

River of Life

Come and join me in the river of the water of life. It's a blast in the river of the water of life...

forgiven, satiated, moved, loved, empowered, blast, clean, hope, joy, life, content, peace, grace, mercy, fun...

A Gift

a gift...

totally unexpected... right timing, right place. just what I needed!

Dear Sharon,

Thought you could use this.

Love, Dad

When I woke up yesterday morning, my heavenly Father said that I was going to have an amazing day. Little did I know...

I received a wonderful gift. I have been working at a temp job for a couple of weeks. One of the people on the job gave me a digital camera, totally out of the blue, totally unexpected. She also included batteries and a small memory card. I was blown away.

She said it was about 2 1/2 years old, but had never been used. It actually works with my 7 or 8 year old computer. I've been wanting a camera for over 3 years... and now I have one. What a blessing! :-)

Now I'll be able to put artwork up quickly and not have to borrow a camera, then go to the library to post it. I'm so excited!

Open

Open

It opened for them by itself, and they went through it.

My word for 2007 is "open". It's been true so far, and I expect it to continue. :-)

Out of the Frying Pan

Out of the Frying Pan & Into the Fire

It's so hot.

Hard times... Yet I have someone with me as I walk through the fire.

For almost 1 1/2 years now, I've been in the fire. The heat lets up once in a while for a short stretch of time, but then it comes back hotter than before. There are many things I don't understand, but I know I'm getting "refined" as I go through the process. I do wonder, though, how much longer it will be before there is a break through.

I've reacted so many ways to the fire. I've fought against it. I've been passive, or furious, or both at the same time. I've screamed and yelled and cried, or sulked and pouted and refused to say anything. I've complained and questioned everything. I've tried to pretend it doesn't burn, that it's not affecting me. I've wanted to take the easy way many times - just jump out and run away. Nothing I do or don't do has changed the process.

But I've had someone walk through it with me. He helps me keep my heart soft, and not get hardened and brittle in the heat of the battle. He tells me it won't go on forever. He says He sees much more of His reflection in me as He refines me like gold. He asks me to give Him my pain and let Him carry it. He tells me to keep trusting Him (and not take the easy way) even when the pain is agonizing. He tells me He is just answering my prayers of many years. In spite of the pain I believe Him. I wish there were a different or easier way, but the personal growth in my life is amazing.

Kerploosh

kerPLOOsh

When I’m in an empty, dark, parched place, hungry for love...
a place that only He can fill... I call out His name.
kerPLOOshhhh!! His love rolls over me in waves
and into me and through me... and I am filled.

Having a ball

Created 10/06

Journaling reads: having a BALL in His presence!!

Many people feel that Jesus is unfair and out to get us, or tells us to follow a bunch of impossible rules. I have found the opposite to be true. It's a pleasure and a blast to be in His presence. I don't pretend to always understand His reasoning on things, but when I trust Him in spite of not understanding, He brings an amazing sense of peace. I find joy and fun with Him.

Throw me a ball! :-)

Brokenness to Wholeness

Journaling reads: Brokenness to Wholeness

Picture window.
huge gaping holes.
Shards everywhere.
Pointed, shattered, sharp edges. lethal.
Painful to look at, worse to touch.
Use gloves or expect to bleed.
Cold wind whipping through.

Stained glass window.
Curved edges soddered together.
Beautiful colors.
Blues and greens morphing into peacock feathers.
Purples and oranges and golds into maple leaves.
It’s harvest time.

This was created 10/06.

This is what I have seen in my own life, because of the cross... and this is what I want to pass along to other people. Jesus makes broken, ugly, hopeless people into things of beauty, whole and with purpose. He takes the unwanted, the rejected, and the lonely, and showers His love on them filling them to overflowing.

He takes the hurt and the pain. He picks up the pieces and puts them back together and makes them into something beautiful.

Tread Softly

Tread Softly

Out walking in the park
in the woods
treading softly
so as not to disturb the wildlife

stopped to watch four deer
moving closer
eating contentedly
aware of me but unconcerned

just a few yards away
twin fawns moved to mama
nursing, sucking noisily
awesome
wonderful
until the peace was disturbed

someone running by
alarmed them
mama kicked up her hind legs
white tail flew up
babies got the message
all took off running

The Challenge

My last post has a layout called, "Don't Worry, Be Happy". It was based on Matthew 6:25-34. That scripture has challenged me for well over a year.

It made me start thinking... what would life be like if I really believed that scripture? What would it be like to NOT worry? Is it even possible? How much different and easier would life be? How much more energy would I have if so much of my time was not taken up by it?

So, I decided to start believing it. It IS possible or God wouldn't have told us not to worry. He COMMANDS us FOR OUR OWN GOOD.

It's still a choice to not worry, and it's still a challenge. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't, but it's getting easier. If I focus on the circumstances, I start to get afraid... and that reminds me to focus on God and who He says He is. If I focus on God and His reality, there is no room for worry. I'm learning to live this out. :-)

Don't Worry, Be Happy

The layout above was created 11/06.

The journaling reads: BUILDING BLOCKS OF LIFE


Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Your Father knows your needs. He pays attention to you, down to the last detail - even numbering the hairs on your head!

Relax! Don’t be so preoccupied with getting... so you can respond to God's giving. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday concerns will be met.

Don’t be afraid for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.

Be happy!

My birthday was on July 10th. I decided I was going to look for good gifts that day and totally enjoy them, even though I had nothing special planned. (I had had my celebration with family on Saturday).

My car was on empty, the red light had been on for a bit. I was starting a new temp job that day and didn't know how things would go. I had no money for gas or for lunch. But, God spoke to me again that I needed to trust Him and not worry about it. Things weren't under my control... they were under His control.

I came into my new job. When I told someone it was my birthday, they asked me out to lunch at a Chinese restaurant... so I had enough for two meals! It was delicious. When I got home, I had a birthday card with some money, enough to put a few gallons of gas into my car. Because of that I was able to go to a small group meeting from my church that evening, and they had a beautiful meal and cake for me. They also gave me some money that allowed me to get groceries. Was God faithful to provide for my needs? Yes! Did I need to get all stressed and worried about it? No! Did I need to trust Him and be happy? Yes! Is that too simplistic? Nope.

When I focus on Him and not the circumstances, it's possible to not worry and be happy.

Boxed In

BOXED IN...
Boxes can be great fun! I loved playing in them when I was little. The big ones became a house, or a spaceship, or a machine, or even a hiding place. I would giggle as I ka-thunked around the yard in them instead of rolling smoothly.

Boxes also carry gifts. Oh... the anticipation of opening a box that comes in the mail! Even if it’s something I ordered, it’s still a joy to rip into it. (Maybe that comes from getting “care packages” from people when I lived overseas?) Or, the pleasure of picking the right wrapping paper to cover the box to give it to someone for that next special occasion. Or, the joy of receiving something I secretly (or not so secretly) wished for.

But, boxes can also be very confining... They keep me locked up, wishing I could kick the walls out. It can get hot and lonely. They don’t allow much movement in any direction.

Being unemployed is confining. I’m BOXED IN. There is time to do things, but no money to pay for them. It’s challenged me to try new things and new ideas to escape, as well as the old standbys... but still no job. It forces me to ask questions and think about things I don’t want to deal with.

BUT how will things be different once I’ve escaped the box? Will I look back and see all the gifts I’ve received during this time? Will I see how much fun I had? Will I be glad I was boxed in because I was protected in some way? We will see!

...OR NOT?

This layout was created in 09/06. It was the first scrapbook page I ever did.

Since that time... I'm still unemployed, although I have had temporary work coming in the last few months. It can still be a painful process, but my whole outlook has changed. How does one explain something that can't be explained, and makes no sense? :-)

How do I explain that God is my provider? He has been with me through it all. I've often said through the years that God provides for me (a good, Christian thing to say), but did I really know or understand what that meant? Did I ever have backup plans or other options if for some reason He didn't provide? Did I ever stand on His truth even as bills piled up?

This last year I have begun to understand it more. I've had no backup plans. It's not that I'm lazy or don't like to work. As a matter of fact, it's quite the opposite of that. Much of my identity has been in my work, my abilities and skills. I have high standards for myself and pride myself in doing good work and maintaining a professional attitude.

But, I couldn't find work. I looked diligently for months on end, applying to places, going on interviews, and following up. Nothing worked out.

We come to today. I stand on the truth of His promise to provide even though I am behind in my bills at the moment. I choose to believe that He in not a liar. I choose to believe that He will eventually break through and take care of all my needs. I have seen Him do it over and over and over, and He won't stop now.

So, I'm not out of the box yet... but I do see gifts that have come from it and how I've been protected through it all.

He is truth. He doesn't lie. End of story. :-)

Jump!

Created 09/06, Journaling from 05/06

Journaling reads:

Jump!
But it's a long way down.
Jump!
But what if you miss me?
Jump!
There is no place to catch myself.
I'll catch you. Jump!
Are you sure there isn't an easier way?
Jump!
But...
Don't look down, look at Me... Trust me. Jump!
So I did.
Last year in May I had an opportunity to "jump off a cliff". Suffice it to say that things got extremely ugly at work, to the point where I felt I had to leave. They had been going downhill for a few years, but finally hit a breaking point. I had no other job lined up, but figured it would find another one quickly.

I thought about it a lot before I finally made the decision to jump. What if I didn't find work? What if... (fill in the blank)? It's been very difficult and I've had some close calls, but I haven't smashed into the ground. Someone was there to catch me! :-)

I'm learning to trust Him, to take Him at His word. I had no idea the journey that jump would start. It's been over a year and I still don't have a regular job or income. But, I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

If you would like to know more, please leave me a comment.

Digital Camera

I've been trying for over a month to find and borrow a digital camera so I could put my work online. I tracked down five people who had cameras and were willing to let me borrow them... but they were either on vacation, going on vacation, or using them for a project of their own. I finally was able to get my hands on one... then by the next day, two more people offered theirs. Must be the timing is right now. :-)

Stay tuned for more.